No, this post title is not a declaration of my body size! Ha! I couldn't think of any other title that adequately sums up how I am feeling today. And since I'm a woman and all, full of those pesky "feelings"---this is what you are gonna get.
Have you ever felt a heaviness in your spirit? Like you are weighted down with a burden for someone or something in your life? Sometimes this feeling comes over me in the middle of the night and God compels me to pray. It is almost like a spiritual battle that is taking place and I'm drawn in by the His Spirit to join in prayer. These times are draining. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about and have been there yourself.
Today many things are going through my mind. People, relationships, memories, some grief, questions, scripture...it's all floating through. I am doing my very best to relinquish control and surrender to whatever it is that God is working out in me by bringing these things to mind. I think sometimes one of the hardest parts of life is the not knowing or the not understanding. For example, one of the things I am thinking about today is that I simply cannot process certain events that have taken place over the last year. I simply cannot. Perhaps I am too weak minded. Perhaps I am only allowed tiny moments in time to really think about such things because God knows I cannot handle it. I don't know. All I do know is that I have tried to obey God with my life and accept where this path has taken me.....and not think too heavily about the whys and hows of it all until a day like today comes along and I am forced to.
I'm sorry for the dark post, but that is just where I am currently. Will post some pictures in the next post---hopefully that will cheer...